ForgottenWoman

What is Wrong with Me?

This year, June 20 hit a little harder than I felt it should have! It was Saturday, and what would have been our 34th anniversary. However, just before our 30th anniversary, my husband made the decision to walk away from our marriage and June 20 took on a different meaning for me. Maybe it is because it was again on a Saturday this year – just like the year we were married. It was also the day before Father’s Day both years.

Anyway, I began the day unconscious of why I felt physically drained and emotionally on edge – but after realizing the significance of the date, I sat down to think through what I was dealing with. It’s pretty common to just talk to ourselves in ways that criticize very real emotions and even physical reactions to things without even trying to understand them – and I just don’t do that anymore. I’m a strong believer in God’s design of the human being – a believer in facing things with as much knowledge and understanding as we possibly can. Otherwise, we miss out on many opportunities to grow, many moments of considering the meaning and value of various aspects of our lives, and yes, the lessons that we learn when we walk through pain with our eyes wide open.

So, here is what I know. Hard anniversaries often trigger the “anniversary effect”—a wave of grief, physical and emotional exhaustion, or anxiety that occurs when the brain and body unconsciously remember significant dates. Recognizing that your reality does not match the future you once envisioned is a heavy, valid, and deeply personal experience.

– One that most aren’t comfortable talking about.

For me, memories of that day – individual moments that filled that day and even leading up to that day continually rolled through my mind. The hope that I had was that my new husband loved me, loved my children, and I was doing the best thing that I could ever do for our little family by marrying him. The sorrow that followed those memories, as I realized that my hopes and dreams that began that day ended so painfully. That’s the reality of Anniversary Affect.

How do we navigate these days?

*Don’t be afraid to acknowledge the feelings. Allow yourself to validate the sadness, the anger, the grief. There is relief in the validation.

*Take the time to personally think about the weight of the day. Do something – like write a journal or letter (that won’t be sent anywhere) putting into words all that you are experiencing.

*Give yourself grace to walk through the grief of broken dreams, promises, what you thought your life would be on these anniversaries. You are grieving because what should be joyous is a reminder of what is reality.

You may find that it is necessary to do all of this alone – and that’s ok. Anniversary affect isn’t a comfortable reality for most and very few are able to hold your hand as you walk through it. Believer, as always, we have One that we can depend on, One that invites us to lay every burden at His feet – that includes this one.

I pray that sharing my experiences may in some way help or encourage you today!