ForgottenWoman

Strings, Thongs, Booty Shorts and…

Thoughtful dialogue seems to be rare today, but if you know me, read what I share or have ever sat in a room with me, then you know that I value the give and take of discussion – even debate. (As long as it’s done in a civil manner and without personal attacks).

So, today’s topic has been on my mind for a couple of weeks, is one that I’ve seen many social media posts about, and one that apparently brings out some pretty strong opinions and emotions. So, it is with a tiny bit of trepidation that I ask you to consider the topic with me today.

Just two weeks ago, I took my grandsons to the local community pool. As soon as we entered the parking lot, I saw two women (mothers of elementary-aged children) walking around the perimeter of the pool repeatedly. You know, moms sometimes stand and walk back and forth to make sure that their children are safe. What caught my eye, and probably the eye of everyone else there, was what they were wearing – or not wearing. Both had on string bikini tops and thongs for the bottom. In other words, for all intents and purposes, they may as well have been wearing nothing. Recognizing the women, I knew a little something about them – and these were my first thoughts.

*She is someone’s wife

*She is someone’s mother

*Why does she want everyone else to see all of that

*Does no one else see a problem here

Well, I mentioned to my 15-year-old grandson that there was a lot of “exposure” at the pool that day, and he would need to choose what to focus on! His little girlfriend, who was with us, spoke up and told me how difficult it was for her to find a decent bathing suit this year. She talked of how she would take something from the rack in the store, and when she tried it on, she would discover that almost all of them were designed to reveal either too much in the front or everything in the back! She had finally found something that was cute and decent.

After our pool visit that day, I had many thoughts running through my head as well as many questions. Not the least of which was, “Am I really such a stick in the mud that this bothers me so much?” I’m not against cute. I’m not against a girl looking like a girl in a swimsuit. I’m not against mothers desiring to be attractive after having children and realizing that their bodies have changed. But I understand a few things, including the value of modesty, the value of protecting women from being seen simply as bodies, the sanctity and beauty of intimacy within marriage (that is cheapened when everyone’s body is exposed and the beauty of your own spouse is not cherished).

Well, other than my comments to my grandson, I kept my thoughts to myself, but over the past two weeks I’ve seen numerous social media posts on the subject. Several women and at least one gentleman have addressed their concerns and in scrolling through the comments, my thoughts intensified! I’m going to share some of the comments from adults and some of my thoughts in response and I do so, hoping to spur on some thinking among readers. Can we approach this as thinking adults, please?

I’m just going to state from the beginning that just because society has normalized public nakedness doesn’t mean it’s right or that those of us who feel it’s inappropriate are from the “dark ages,” as some say. Maybe, as a society, we once had a moral compass that somewhere along the way has been set aside.

One lady who made a social media post after a day at a water park simply asked, “Where is the self-respect as well as the respect for others?” She mentioned how her six-year-old was exposed to the butt cheeks of many teens and adult women that day, and he had asked her repeatedly why. Of course, I was interested in the comments, but after reading a few of them, I was pretty stinking discouraged. Many were full of hateful attacks on this mother, full of cursing and name-calling. She was told to mind her own business by many. May I suggest that what her six-year-old son was forced to see during a day at the park is her business? The question that I have about those comments is this: your decision to walk around indecently exposed does affect anyone with vision! When did we just stop respecting the desire of others to protect the innocence of children or even our own hearts? You have the option to look at whatever you want to look at, to expose your children to whatever you want to expose them to, but at these community parks, public beaches, water parks, family water parks – your decision to parade around naked forces others to see what we don’t really want to see!

Many others accused this woman of being jealous, saying that if she had a better body, she would be wearing the same things, and she was simply upset because her husband might find the women who were undressed more attractive than her. You know, Scripture does address what this should look like in a marriage (let the breasts of his own wife satisfy him) and husbands with integrity and who truly love their wives cherish them and find the beauty in them, even more so as they grow and mature together and go through the changes that life brings together. If they are struggling in their relationship, what self-respecting woman would want to encourage him to look elsewhere?

One of the silliest responses that I’ve seen was this: “It’s a butt, and everyone has one!” and “It’s only sexual if you make it sexual!” My question is this. Which of us didn’t teach our young children about private parts, what other people should see or touch? Which of us is not concerned about protecting children from child predators, human trafficking, and more? Don’t you think there is a disconnect here? Mixed signals? Confusion among the adults in the room? (Or at the pool) Common sense tells us a few things. Have you ever watched a movie or crime show that deals with the world of prostitution? Often, the women portrayed on those shows are wearing more than these teen girls and women are wearing at the family parks, and those on the show are obviously selling sex. My tired, old brain understands that – surely those prancing around with most of their body exposed do too!

Many scream “body shaming” when we dare to question the swimsuits that expose not only most of the body, but the parts that we consider private. This is just another virtue signaling way of turning a legitimate concern into something it isn’t. Regardless of the shape, size, or characteristics of your body, true respect calls for modesty.

The last comments I want to address and ask you to think about are the ones that advocate for confidence, for women being free to do and wear whatever they want to, for those who have an issue with the new trend of accepting public nudity to just shut their mouths and get over it… We sometimes get weary of the idea of the slippery slope, and we even mock it. And yes, it is overused and cannot apply to all of life’s questions and gray areas. However, on this subject, I think there is some validity to our becoming desensitized to what is respectable, what is good, and what is healthy for not only children but also for adult relationships.

The very beauty of intimacy has been downgraded. The acceptance of every man and every woman looking and lusting after one another instead of cherishing and treasuring their own partner has diminished how we think about and protect one another. One gentleman commented on a recent post on this subject that beautiful women don’t need to expose everything to be seen, and that advertising their bodies sends a message of weakness instead of strength, is screaming for attention instead of making a statement of confidence and value. I think he may have a point.

Well, you and I have choices every day. I’m not swimming in jeans, t-shirts, and full-body cover-ups, but I’m hoping that coming and going, swimming or jumping off the diving board, lying out by the pool and soaking up the sun, or swimming laps or throwing pool toys in the pool with kids, that I’m not drawing attention to my body – the good or the bad. I hope that I can be sensible and modest and thoughtful of others – enjoying life while respecting others and my own value as a God-created human housed in a female body. (And yes, respecting that the aging body is ever changing, and while it shouldn’t be shamed, it should be respected.) That’s a whole different subject. Think about it with me?

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