ForgottenWoman

The Morning After

All of America has an opinion, an emotional reaction, a deep response to what we witnessed yesterday with the assassination of Charlie Kirk: known for his faith, his political stance, his ability to reason and debate – the incredible influence he had across several generations of Americans. We are deeply moved in some way.

But I personally couldn’t take my eyes off of the photos that included his wife, Erika, and their two children: a toddler and an infant. Yesterday, I wanted to break through the crowds and chaos and find her and wrap my arms around her and just sit with her in her deep, personal grief. News reporters and politicians and citizens alike have “sent” their love and prayers on her behalf, but for the past 18 hours or so, I have wrestled with what to do with the connection I feel with her deep, private, personal, life-altering pain.

Recently, empathy has felt a bit like a curse but those moments are short-lived and rare. For the most part, I realize that when God’s Word says that we should grieve with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice; He means that He wants us to feel what they are feeling, give them companionship in celebrations and carry some of the weight of the sorrows to Him in prayer: always lifting them up asking for the strength and comfort that we know all too well that they need!

Earlier this week, I was contemplating how excited I was for someone who was experiencing great joy, how I really do desire to help others succeed in whatever they are desiring to do; how promoting others, supporting others, celebrating with them in their successes resonates deeply with me. For example: I did not attend Rosman High School. My son played ball for them for 2 years and I was invested in the success of that team. My granddaughters now play a couple of sports for them and I’m invested in those teams. But as a whole, I can’t say what others say, “Once a Tiger, always a tiger.” I can’t say that I bleed orange. I can’t say that I’ve ever really cared if the football team won a game or not. But last Friday, I attended a game to support a young man that has become important to our family (he dates my grandgirl) and I cheered as if I had a kid on the team. Okay… whatever. But when this team won; a big win for a team that has had several years of defeat after defeat… I stood holding jackets and water bottles and cameras of those who had taken off running onto the field, screaming and cheering and then screaming and cheering some more. Y’all, I felt so incredibly stupid when I realized that there were tears running down my face! What?! Seeing the joy of others because of a football win touched me deeply.

Another example: Just a few weeks ago, I was present when a grandchild was having a difficult time. I was a good distance away, but I could see from her expression that she was crying. When my daughter-in-law glanced my way and saw my tears, I realized what was happening, and I turned away quickly to wipe my tears. My daughter-in-law laughingly asked, “Are you crying?” Then she exclaimed, “You are just such an empath… You see someone else hurting, and it just goes all over you!”

The bottom line is that I feel deeply, and it is in part due to how God made me and in part due to my life experiences. I can’t get away from it and I pray every day that it will keep me tender enough to keep actively investing in the lives of others – both their joys and their sorrows.

Anyway, I say all of that to say that this morning, the morning after Charlie Kirk’s assassination; the country is grieving as a whole but all I can think about is the young wife who probably didn’t sleep at all last night but who had to face the fact when the sun came up this morning that this wasn’t a bad dream – this is real. Her husband, the father of her children, is gone. The man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with is gone. The man who was an example of a truly loving, husband, father, leader – is gone. She can’t call him, text him, wrap her arms around him, rest safely in his arms, laugh or cry with him, sit beside him… none of it. It is gone. Her life is forever altered. All over the TV and social media people are talking about the public Charlie Kirk – photos and videos are constantly playing. But for her… he wasn’t that Charlie Kirk. He was her Charlie…

My heart and prayers are with Erika this morning. I’m praying that someone close to her is seeing her today, really seeing her – is sitting and holding her hand, is letting her sit alone and process what has happened, will listen to her when she needs to talk. I’m praying that God will make Himself so incredibly real to her that she knows, that she knows, that she knows that God sees her. He allowed this, so He will not only make it to work out for His glory; but He will work even this out for her good. But that knowledge doesn’t remove her pain.

Her pain is beyond words – I pray that as she walks through it now and for the years to come, that she will cling to the hand of Almighty God. Pray for Erika.