ForgottenWoman

Eh, I’ve got that covered!

Through the ministries of The Forgotten Woman, I’ve been meeting with women and studying, learning, and teaching on the subject of forgiveness for three years. “You mean you have been meeting with the same women for three years and studying forgiveness?” Yes. That’s exactly what I mean! And as this initial group of women has begun to understand and live out true forgiveness, we are adding new participants in our study. “Without starting over?” Again, yes. “Wow! What a weird idea this is – that’s not a normal Bible study.” No, no, it’s not. However, some who have been in our study and some who have heard bits and pieces have asked that some of my blogging be on this subject; so you’ll find some articles scattered throughout this blog, highlighting bits and pieces of what we are learning.

Some of the things that I hear over and over when I even mention the topic of forgiveness to other believers:

“I don’t have anyone I need to forgive.  I’ve already done all that.”

“I’m not one to hold a grudge – I just ‘Let it go!’ so I don’t need this!”

“You have no idea what has been done to me.  There is no way I’ll ever forgive that one person.”

“I’ve moved on from all of my painful life experiences.  They don’t affect me, so I don’t need this.”

“I’m doing just fine.  I’m tough, and nothing has affected or hindered me from being who God created me.”  

Now, let me be direct.  Forgiveness isn’t something we have mastered – whether we believe we have or not.  There is what I call shallow forgiveness and God-like forgiveness.   Shallow forgiveness is fine – if you want to be fine.  God-like forgiveness is the goal if you want to be more like Jesus.  So, even if you have the above thoughts running through your head,  please continue with me.  I believe there is much God wants to do in and through you! 

*For me to understand my need to forgive, I need to understand my need for forgiveness! I’m not even thinking about human-to-human forgiveness here.  I’m thinking about my own need for God’s forgiveness. 

We can’t assume that everyone has received God’s forgiveness. Do you know how many times in the past year I’ve heard the words,  “I was born a Christian,”  “I’ve always been a Christian,”  “Mom and Dad were believers and took me to church every Sunday, so…” or “I’ve always tried to do the right thing?”

I’m increasingly realizing that a proper understanding of being a Christian is lacking, even inside our church buildings.  So, this is where we are starting!  

I was born a sinner in need of the forgiveness of Almighty God.  Period.  I cannot earn salvation or a relationship with God.

We are each going our own way. (Isaiah 53:6)

 All have gone astray. We are all like lost sheep who have wandered away from the LORD, our Shepherd (Psalm 23:1). We have all turned away from God. We have each gone our own way, not God’s way.

The LORD looks down from heaven on mankind to find a man of understanding, a man mindful of God. All have turned nasty, altogether foul; none does good, not even one. (Psalm 14:2-3)

And yes, Almighty God offers forgiveness to each of us. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from another human when God has done this for me?

Whew! When I really consider God’s forgiveness offered to you and me, it is humbling and life-transforming and should completely change my perspective. Without understanding the beauty of the gospel, you and I cannot live out true forgiveness of one another in our lives!  

Have you accepted His forgiveness?  Have you accepted His gift of eternal life? Please reach out to me if you want to talk more about this!

One of the terms that I’ve heard time and time again over the past three years is “self-forgiveness”. This seems to be something that is easily tossed back and forth in conversation. What do you think of when you hear the words self-forgiveness? My thoughts on this may be controversial in your mind but I ask that you consider them.

Think about a time when you held something against yourself for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, or even years. It may be as a mom of adult children, you see one of your children struggling, and you start thinking, I could have, I should have, I wish I had… And you take on the guilt and the shame of what you think you should’ve done that would have changed where your child is today. Or maybe as a friend, you can look back on a lost relationship and wonder what you should’ve done to make things turn out differently. If you know that in specific scenarios, you did wrong, but you haven’t sought forgiveness, you need to ask yourself why. The stories of our past are a bridge between our hearts and our heads. Too often, we focus on the negatives, and we don’t do anything about them. We allow the memories of the negatives to squeeze out the good of the present.

So here is the beginning of our forgiveness journey. We need to examine how we may have harmed others. What are we holding on to, first of all, and how do we release it? Why is this so important? First, it’s essential for our spiritual, emotional, and physical health. Jon Hopkins has researched and they have found that women who are highly “self-forgiving” are three times less likely to experience depression. Yes, I’m speaking from a woman’s perspective, and the truth is, as women, we are very hard on ourselves, we put others first naturally, we have a hard time saying no naturally; and when we say no, we feel we are being less loving. We tend to be perfectionists in what we care about, and we overanalyze ourselves. You’ve heard the jokes about the husband sleeping soundly as women walk through the house, “worrying” over something in the family. Self-esteem tends to grow with the number of tasks we accomplish, and let’s not even talk about our body image and how hard we are on ourselves there.

But the truth is that “forgiving yourself” heals what is broken inside. It is hard, it takes time, and it has to be a habit: something that we do over and over.

HERE is where my belief may be controversial. While I believe that those negatives must be dealt with, I don’t believe that forgiving myself is a thing! I can’t find anywhere in the Bible where it talks about our need to forgive ourselves. I would argue that I am incapable of forgiving myself. My forgiveness comes from a Holy God! HE is where my forgiveness comes from. I DO need to recognize where I’ve failed, hurt others, and should have done differently – but then I need to confess that all to my Father, the Holy God, and ask for His forgiveness. Only then can I truly be forgiven.

And yes, this carries over into my forgiveness of others. I cannot truly forgive others in my human-ness, but when I allow God’s forgiveness to flow through me, I can look at those who have hurt me and say, “By the supernatural power of Almighty God working in me, I forgive. “

Oh, there is so much more – little by little; our understanding will change our hearts and we will honor Him more and more in our daily walk.

We need your support to best carry out the ministries of The Forgotten Woman. Thank you!