ForgottenWoman

A life changing experiment

If you know me well or even slightly then you probably have heard me talk about renewing my mind. It is something that I’m passionate about – in other words; I know that Scripture tells me to do it and I have made it a priority in my life.

Now, before you start thinking that the last sentence sounded pretty self-righteous: let me explain. Here’s the deal. I am as basely human as anyone can be: meaning, I feel deeply – all things: joy, sadness, hope, despair, anger, love, hatred, regret, pain, rejection, acceptance, pride, shame… some good emotions and some not so good and some; downright horrid!

That’s who I am: and my life experiences have consisted of uncertainty, sorrow, pain, disappointment, hurt, rejection, abuse, grief, joy, hope, death, life, criticism and more. This combination (who I am and life experience) can together create quite a MESS!

I learned early on in my adult life that survival required a constant renewing of my mind. Why? Because the truth is that emotions FOLLOW actions. Emotions follow mindset. It isn’t the other way around. Too often we DO – because of how we FEEL. We act lovingly because we FEEL warm and fuzzy toward someone. This is why we FAIL to love like Jesus so often. We FAIL to live in the joy of the LORD so often because we don’t FEEL joyful in our circumstances. The circumstances of life too often control our emotions – and we don’t even realize that we have the power to take control of those emotions by taking control of our minds!

Paul sang in prison! WHY? HOW? Because he was THINKING correctly. Not because he FELT warm, healthy, protected, loved – but because he KNEW in his mind why he was there and what God was doing! He acted based on what he KNEW – the joy that came out in song flowed from a heart that had followed his thinking. I could give more Biblical examples but let’s stick with this one for now… because we need to translate this to OUR LIVES – OUR CIRCUMSTANCES – OUR MINDS – OUR EMOTIONS!

How to do that? Now, THAT has been the hard part. I’ve gone through all sorts of phases… fasted for 30 days (from all but water including entertainment) Fasted for 40 days. Fasted for shorter periods – all of the fasts are for the purpose of focus and clearing my mind of all ‘fluff”. For a couple of years while homeschooling many, mothering different children with different needs, experiencing difficulty in my marriage and FEELING absolutely at the end of my rope, I set up a system for myself. I set timers and went outside and prayed aloud for each of my family members for 30 minutes at a time periodically throughout the day. During this time I remember being impressed with how each session of prayer gave me strength to go back to the work of the day. I’ve joined memorization programs so that I could fill my mind with Scripture. All of these things are good ways to continually renew my mind. During normal life situations – we all need to practice regular personal Bible study and memorization in order to help keep our minds focused on whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report.

But then – there are life altering things that knock us flat – that rock our emotions at a level that we just can’t seem to catch our breath. Things that leave us bruised, unable to function and continually gasping for air. How in the world do we get a handle of these emotions? We take control of our WILL by choosing to work even harder to RENEW OUR MINDS!

Just this past month – nearing the end of July: July 19 to be exact; I found myself in a state emotionally that I just am not willing to stay in. The tears flowed freely on some days and on others they seemed to be building a mountain in my chest. I would receive a message that would send me reeling and literally nauseaus and physically bruised (deep wounds will affect your body). I would see something or someone out in public that would trigger a pain that I couldn’t shake. Someone would make an off the cuff remark that hit a ‘sore spot’ or reminded me of something that hurt so deeply that I couldn’t express it. As I tried to read Scripture, my mind was in such a fog that I couldn’t comprehend what I was trying to read. As I tried to pray I simply sobbed and lifted my hands and said, “Lord, help me!”

I have already learned that talking to someone with skin on in these circumstances often does more harm than good – some don’t want to think about the truth or acknowledge the pain, some can’t comprehend it so it makes them uncomfortable, some shrug and say something like, “get over it!” some really just want you to pretend you don’t feel what you feel… but all in all: none of them can do anything about it! So – why burden them? So, going to the One Who is able – well, that’s the answer and quite honestly, it is a good answer: but it does not heal the emotions. That part takes intentional work on my end. And the work – well, it starts in the mind!!

So – on July 19 I decided that in order to push through the negative emotions that were overtaking my entire being I had to be even MORE dedicated to renewing my mind. The only way I could think to do that intentionally at this point is to FILL it with Scripture. It’s true that the Holy Spirit directed men of old to write – and that same Holy Spirit lives within me as His child. As His Word fills my mind – He can use it however He sees fit. My challenge for renewing my mind even more? Read the entire Bible in one month!

Yep! I challenged myself – just do it and see how God uses it. I obviously have 5 days to go to complete this challenge and next week I’ll update but let’s just say it hasn’t been easy. You may be thinking, “There is NO way you can do that!” YEP! It can be done. There are apps that feature others reading the Bible and I have used an app while driving, while washing dishes, while cleaning, while hot tubbing it and even while preparing to sleep and I set it at 1.5 speed still understanding every word but hearing it read faster. When I sit down to read in the morning and evening I can read a few chapters in a sitting. This isn’t deep Bible study nor is it replacing deep Bible study. This is simply trying to FILL my MIND and therefore RENEWING it!

This challenge for myself will continue as I tweak it from month to month but the ultimate goal is to think more like Jesus, process more like Jesus, have my emotional responses pointing more to Jesus regardless of life circumstances. Watch for an update next week!