ForgottenWoman

What do healthy emotions look like? If I’m honest, I don’t think I’ve given much thought to this question in the past – but last week; there were several days when the roller coaster of life was very real for me and in the midst of it all, I began to think, “There is something different about me. Me! I think my emotions are functioning in a healthy way – the way God intended for them to work! Is this what healing looks like?”

As a reader of my blog, you are aware by now that my foundation is Christ. I am one of those people who has repented of my sin, accepted God’s gift of salvation through the shed blood of Jesus Christ. I am His kid! You may or may not also be aware that I’ve walked some dark paths in this life; faced some trauma, some intense grief, some unusual circumstances and even some abuse that I don’t talk openly about. And as a Christian, I’ve sought to handle all of that in a way that honored my Heavenly Father, in a way that focused on victory in and through it – and that sometimes meant living in what we call survival mode. It sometimes meant plastering a smile on my face and doing my best to push through. It often meant burying pain and focusing outward, not realizing that my mind and emotions were being rewired, that wounds were creating an internal mess – building walls. Unconsciously, I was trying to protect myself – but the damage was real.

Well, there was a moment a few years ago that I stood in my kitchen, my body was shaking uncontrollably, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think clearly, and the realities of what I had created within myself in order to survive came to light. In that moment, I decided that for those I love and for those who love me, I had to do the work to heal. How many specialists/counselors/therapists worked with me for the first year? Four. All at the same time.

Thousands of dollars in credit card debt later (from paying for that help) I had learned much. I had talked through sessions that left my body with visible physical bruises. I had wept through sessions that left me exhausted for days but uncovered the truth of so much! I had begun to recognize the trauma and abuse for all that it was and all that it had done to me. And I had been set on a path of healing that will probably continue for the remainder of my life. And let me tell you that the most important thing that I was learning was that Jesus really is the answer for all of it! Facing every part of life with a heart looking to Him and His Word for wisdom and instruction really is the answer! Renewing a rewired brain with His Word really does unravel the twisted wreckage of what’s been broken. Forgiving as Christ forgives is the answer to deep pain inflicted by others. (This isn’t a simple process, nor a one time event.) God’s Word, a relationship with Him that remembers that He says, “Come to me!” is the answer. Understanding that Romans 8:28 is a promise to His kids – those who are choosing to abide under the shelter of His Almighty Arms. He says that He causes ALL things to work together for my good and His Glory. ALL things. But again – this promise is not a general promise to all mankind. It is specific to those Who truly love Him, abide with Him. That’s my part.

So, my healing journey is several years in the working – and last week, through some really hard circumstances and some really good moments I realized that my emotions were rolling easily with what was happening in my world. I found myself able to laugh until tears were rolling down my face at silly moments with my children and grandchildren. It felt like joy bubbling up from deep inside – where that had not been possible before. I also found myself crying easily a few minutes later when something happened that broke my heart. The release of emotions from both ends of the spectrum were easy, were cleansing and didn’t paralyze me for periods of time. After this happened several days in a row, I took stock. I began to think through the truth that these emotions, built in us by Almighty God when He created us, have purpose – they are good for the soul, good for us physically (a release of both positive and negative feelings) and when they are not out of kilter – they make life so much fuller!

The trauma, abuse, experiences of life have a way of misregulating our emotions. The world has their way of ‘dealing’ with all of the damage done – but I’m a living, breathing, walking, talking testimony that God’s ways are good. God’s ways are truly healing. My training in counseling was good: but walking this road myself has been even better in preparing me to help others. Maybe that is one of the ways that God is working all things out for His glory and my good!

Thank you for reading. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for your support of this ministry.