ForgottenWoman

“Pray this prayer after me.”

“Depart from Me – I never knew you!”

“How do I know if I’m really saved?”

“I pray the prayer at the end of every service – to make sure I’m saved!”

“Please pray over me – I’m just so confused!”

“How do I know if I’m truly a Christian?”

Over the past several weeks these are the comments/questions that have come to me repeatedly. This morning, I’ve chosen to address it within my blog after several days of thought and prayer.

It appears that our churches are full of individuals and families looking for a place to belong, an experience that feels spiritual, a program that tells them that everything is going to be ok, a feeling of peace or even a sense that God exists for their benefit – so they want Him!

Some of those that I’ve had conversations with recently have grown up in the church – faithfully attending services, Bible studies, baptisms, serving in children’s ministries and even leading worship from the platform. On Sundays they stand on stage with arms raised singing the words of the songs and thrilled to be doing so – and then admitting on Monday that they know something is wrong within them.

Others have not grown up in church but have been presented with a version of the gospel that is all about them – a God Who is ready and willing to meet their needs, to make them feel good: but the truth of sin, the cross, God’s holiness, repentance, turning from a life of self centerdness to a new life in Christ and yes, a relationship with Him that transforms us: they know nothing of what that is or what it means.

One of the most shocking things that I’ve heard several times in the past week is surrounding a practice within churches today; called the salvation prayer. Apparently, it is led at the end of each service by the pastor, inviting anyone who wants Jesus in their lives to repeat with him. A couple of ladies expressed to me that they pray this every Sunday and ‘get saved’. Another popular practice involves baptism – large events where any and everyone who wishes to have the experience of baptism steps into the water and is baptized. Many are declaring that they’ve done this repeatedly and come out of the water different: blessed, having received a new filling of the Holy Spirit, or experiencing chills after being baptized yet again.

What concerns me about both of these? It seems those involved have little or no understanding of salvation or the purpose and value of baptism. Both salvation and baptism have taken on a non chalant, ‘repeat’ experience idea that cheapens or minimizes what they really are. I think I’m understanding what people have been warning about for years – an easy believism/Christianity that isn’t rooted and grounded in truth or in the gospel as it presented in God’s Word. It has little to do with a relationship with a Savior that impacts my day by day walk, that changes me from the inside out and more to do with saying some words to ‘seal my final destination’ and then living exactly as I choose to live while claiming to love Jesus and hopping on the bandwagon when it feels good to do so. Whew! That was a long sentence. Did you follow it? Need to read it again? 🙂

So many who have been surrounded by this type of church life, this type of fellowship find themselves struggling day by day internally. Why do I not long to read and understand God’s Word? Why do I feel like I’ve arrived when I remember to pray for God to bless my family at night before I go to bed? Why is it so important that I ‘bless my food’ and yet, my thoughts, words, responses and actions are always about me? Why do I constantly doubt whether I’m truly a Christian or not? Or, why does the joy of the Lord elude me? Why do I get involved in every Bible study, every gathering of the church and yet still feel lost, empty? And Joy, WHY do I feel like I’m spinning in circles and there is no peace that passes understanding – you know, the peace that God’s Word talks about?!

Well, salvation is not about the next experience. It isn’t about singing the loudest or raising my arms the highest while worshipping in song. It isn’t about an escape from hell. Yes, I said it. Most thinking people would raise their hand and declare that they don’t want to go to hell – either to burn for a God appointed amount of time OR for all eternity! I raised my hand as a 5 year old little girl after a sermon on hell that left me shaking. Doesn’t God say that it only takes the faith of child? Yes, He does. And because I know that God is God and He alone discerns what’s in the heart of every individual; I believe that He heard that prayer of small faith – that prayer that simply wanted to escape hell. And He began a work in my heart that night.

What that little girl did not understand about salvation at that time, God in His mercy gave me years to learn. My journey to be obedient – to do all that I knew to do for the next 14 years – was filled with doubts, with fear, with confusion. I had what we call a head knowledge. I had believing parents who took us to church and paid for us to be in Christian School our entire lives – and I remember vividly as a 10 year old sitting in the back seat of our family car after church the Sunday that my dad went forward because he wasn’t sure of his salvation! He was the one who led me in that prayer when I was 5! Hmmm… What was I missing?

After those 14 years of trying to ‘walk the line’ – doubting if I was truly saved, fearing the rapture (yes – I saw the movies) and my being left behind, going through periods of reading my Bible after being challenged in chapel or at a camp, going door to door handing out tracts because I thought that was what I was supposed to do, trying to measure up to what a Christian is supposed to look like… well, I was tired! Like bone tired! I was in a Christian college setting and I was observing those around me. (I’ve always been a people watcher). If I’m honest, I didn’t like the majority of what I saw. I was surrounded by others trying to walk the line. The thing is – they were doing a better job of it than I was! They were lining the hallways staring at their Bibles every morning while I was heading to the shower. They were turning each other and me in for breaking the rules – whether on purpose or accidentally and by doing so, they were the good ones. Suddenly, I was on the lower end of the “good” scale. I was quiet, minding my own business and apparently, not very spiritual.

And it was then that I started really asking questions – just me and Jesus. I climbed under a stairwell in my dorm and I opened my Bible and I began to talk – to an unseen God. I poured out my doubts, my confusion, my disenchantment with the hypocrisy of those who fit the “spiritual” box but didn’t seem to have any love for others or joy in life whatsoever! My gut told me that joy and laughter were supposed to be a part of the Christian life and the stoic, overly serious approach to life that I was surrounded by was stifling!

I knew there had to be more to this Christian thing if it was real. And I asked God to make Himself real to me, to show me what it really means to know Him and give my life to Him and serve Him and walk with Him. I walked myself through the Roman’s Road – you know those verses in Romans that tell us why we need a Savior, and what it looks like to acknowledge our own sin, repent of it and believe that Jesus’ shed blood is enough to cover the punishment for our sin. As I read those verses, I prayed out loud something like this: “I know that I have looked at a time when I was 5 years old as the time that I became a Christian – and maybe You saved me that day – looking at the faith of a child who understood only what a child can understand. But today, I want to acknowledge my own sinfulness, my need for a Savior and I want to ask You to please forgive me and please save me IF I had no idea what I was saying then! I want to know that I know that I know that I have surrendered my life to You!”

The relief that flooded my system on that night I’ll never forget. I knew in that moment that I was choosing Him. I was choosing to not try to be a good girl, but to hang on to His hand and to study His Word so that I could understand what living for Him looked like. This is getting long, so I won’t tell the details from then til now, but let me tell you this. I’ve asked Him to make Himself known to me repeatedly – and He has done that: through heartache, through loss, through pain that forced me to hide under the shelter of His wings. He has done that through joy that I cannot contain – that forces me to thank Him for loving me and holding my hand through this life. I sin. Yes. And the moment I do so, my heart aches and I ask Him for forgiveness. That is one of the indicators that I know Him: I feel and hear the conviction of the Holy Spirit when I’m wrong and I WANT to seek forgiveness and renewed fellowship with Him. And fruit – God’s Word says we are known by our fruit – Do we love others? Do we have a joy that remains even when our hearts are breaking? Is there a peace that God is in control when everything seems chaotic? Are we longsuffering with others? Are we gentle in dealing with others? Do we meekly walk through life? Not weakly – meekly (seeking to serve rather than seeking to be served). God develops these things within us as we walk daily with Him – and our lives begin to look differently.

Those professing to know Him who look just like those who don’t know Him? That’s a huge indicator that our churches are full of non believers. It’s not a judgement on my part – it’s truth from God’s Word. One friend says often that this is because these are the last days – and God says men shall be lovers of themselves, will profess to know Him and yet, their lives speak another truth. I won’t argue last days stuff right now – my position is that whatever day we are living in: God’s heart is broken over our lack of understanding and teaching and willingness to speak and hear truth. God’s heart is broken over our fear of calling sin and repentence and salvation to a new life in Christ what God says it is! His heart is broken over our dedication to comfort over truth.

It’s not easy.

It’s not punching a get out of hell free ticket.

It’s a compete and total life change – a turning from sin and turning to a relationship with Christ. One that requires humility, surrender, submission and obedience. If you’re not sure you’ve made this intentional decision: He’s as close as calling on His name!

Romans 3:23 For ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is DEATH but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!

Romans 10:13 Whosever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Romans 10:10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if any man be in Christ he is a new creature. Old things are passed away, behold all things are become new!

Reach out to me if you want to talk!