ForgottenWoman

Within the Church / Outside the Church

You may be wondering what kind of question this is – and if so, I hope you’ll keep reading! One of the great blessings of my life is that from birth to today, I’ve been surrounded by people who profess to be Christians. While it has been truly a great blessing, and I’ve learned much from many of them, it has also been an open space for me to learn that not all who profess Christ truly know Him, or if they know Him, they have not leaned into what He says our lives are supposed to look like! (Don’t hear that as judgemental please – hear it as an observation that has pushed me to seek truth beyond surface declarations or church attendance.)

Let me see if I can share a few specific instances to help you get on the track I’m on today. It was many years ago when I left the church building with a lady that many would consider the epitome of Christian “ladyhood!” We were running to the grocery store because she had forgotten something for an after-church event. When she invited me along, I was so excited to actually be included in this lady’s life. As we got out of the car and walked through the store, I noticed what I thought was a different attitude from her. She wasn’t smiling and greeting people like she did at church. She wasn’t acting interested in anyone beyond herself and seemed to be totally focused on her shopping. Now, I do understand that there are times that we all get in ‘drive’ mode and have things to accomplish, and we just run and do! So, I thought to myself that she must just be concerned about how much time we had before we needed to be back at church. But then we got to the checkout counter, and I observed her speaking sharply, rudely, and even arrogantly to the lady working behind the counter – as if she was beneath us! (I even mouthed, “I’m sorry” to the store clerk – as if I could relieve the pain of her words) As I stated earlier, this happened more than 20 years ago, I still remember it as a moment that I was reminded to just remove humans from the pedestals that we sometimes put them on – and look to Jesus for how I am to live and treat others!

Let’s look at another example. Have you ever been in a restaurant and observed a group of people dressed in such a way that you are pretty sure they just came from church? Have you observed the way they dismiss others who may be waiting to be seated as they push their way through? Or maybe you’ve even overheard their loud talking about the sermon, or who did or didn’t have their Bible? They bow their heads to pray and do so loudly, so that they are sure to be a ‘good testimony’ to others in the restaurant. And then you see the way they speak to their waitress – impatiently, complaining, and even talking down to her if their food isn’t just right. The mess they leave behind for the staff to clean up is just another reminder of how self-absorbed they are… but they left her a track with the $2 tip at the end of the meal.

Let’s get a little more personal, and beware, I may offend a reader here as we look at those everyday moments that just “happen” without intentionality. What do you do with your grocery buggy when you are finished shopping? Do you return it inside the store or within the “cart rails,” or do you leave it where it’s convenient for you? When you are in the parking lot walking from your car into the store, are you walking down the center of the lane, obstructing cars, or are you aware that vehicles are trying to come and go? When trying to decide what to purchase in a store, do you stand staring for minutes, blocking anyone else from grabbing and going, or are you aware that others are shopping as well? When you attend a sporting event, enjoy your snacks and drinks – what happens to your trash when you leave? When you are walking down the street or in and out of public places, are you marching head down toward your destination, or do you look up and greet others? When you are in a crowded store, and the lines are stretched down the aisles, are you complaining loudly that someone needs to learn how to manage a store, or are you patiently waiting and finding a way to encourage the clerk who is taking the brunt of others’ impatience? When someone accidentally cuts you off in traffic, are you laying on your horn and shaking your head violently, or are you graciously smiling and letting them know that their mistake isn’t the end of the world?

Are you getting the picture? What do all of the above scenarios have in common? We could call it self centered living, self absorbed thinking, or simply unaware of others and how our attitudes and actions affect them – and more importantly, what opportunitites we miss to represent and lift up the name of Jesus.

What? Ok. Stay with me! Who am I? I am a child of The Most High God! That doesn’t put me on a pedestal above those who don’t yet know Him. That puts me in a position to intentionally live in such a way that my life points to Him and His love for them! That smile and ‘greeting one another with a holy kiss” act cannot be an act! Oh, let me mention one more that has really been on my mind lately. Do you know the difference between a genuine smile that says, “I love you so much and I’m so glad to see you!” and the polite smile that says, “I’m a good person, so I’m going to give you this polite smile even though I really don’t want to talk to you right now!” Come on, you know the difference! You’ve seen the difference! The polite smile comes from the individual who is still focused on self and what you think of them – not on you and the joy that seeing you brings them! Go ahead – look in the mirror and try it. 🙂 We can all muster up the polite smile. But what we want to exude from our lives is the genuine, love filled, joy filled expression that says, “You matter to me and I’m so glad to see you!”

If you are an unbeliever and you’ve been treated any of the ways that I’ve described in this article (by someone professing to be a Christian), I am so sorry!!! Please know that not all who cluck like a duck at the appropriate times are ducks!! I tried this morning, and even I can cluck!

True Christianity changes us as individuals and changes our priorities, our motives, our attitudes, our behavior! And not just on Sunday. That doesn’t mean we are never going to be impatient. That doesn’t mean we are never going to speak harshly. That doesn’t mean we are never going to have down moods that our expressions will reveal. What it does mean is that when we are dedicated to our lives pointing to our Savior, we will want to love you like He does, and our life patterns will reveal that.

Ephesians 5:8 “… for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” If you are a believer, I would love to challenge you to join me in an intentional practice! When we go about our daily lives, let’s be intentional about looking outward, beyond ourselves! Let’s be intentional about deferring to the needs of others, to leaving buildings, stands, vehicles, restrooms, and people better off than we found them! How do we do that? By seeing what needs to be done, picked up, cleaned up, improved and doing it! By speaking kindly to every single person we run into! By finding ways to encourage those who seem down or worn out, or defeated! By genuinely smiling at people when we pass them. They may or may not respond, but your smile may just change someone’s day! Recently, I’ve set a goal for myself to ensure that I’m intentional in reaching into the lives of others. When I go for my daily walk through town or on the walking paths, I require myself to say hello and smile at no less than 10 people. You’d be surprised at how many people walk past others and never make eye contact. This is something that is missing big time in our culture, and I’m determined to be one little person who will keep pushing for it.

What have I learned so far? I’ve learned that some people will never look up or at you – and you may have to speak just to get them to look. I’ve learned that most are shocked that you spoke, and many are pleasantly surprised and respond with a big smile and greeting of their own. Some will even stop and want to have a conversation! This happened three times yesterday. People are lonely for conversation – and if someone needs to talk and your greeting opens the door, you may be just the listening ear they needed to make it through the day! What if we all went through our days determined to make eye contact and speak to no less than 10 strangers… do you think we would make a difference? I sure do!

Let’s be intentional – we have our schedules, our goals, our projects, ourselves… but if we aren’t connecting with people, then we need to make some changes. PEOPLE must be the priority. We, as believers, are children of The Most High God. Our love for others should be the first sign of that.