ForgottenWoman

End of my rope

“While we look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal!” This verse of Scripture became very real to me when I was in my early twenties and faced the end of almost every dream I had for my life on earth. In a split second, everything changed for me – my future plans were canceled. My daily routine was wiped out. My perspective on life was turned upside down. For the first time in my life, I realized that everything that I thought was real (what I could see and control) was secondary to what was truly real and eternal (what I could not see).

As my perspective on life changed, what I thought about changed, what I wanted for my children changed, what I talked to others about changed, what I taught little girls in Sunday School changed, and what I shared with women in Bible Studies and conferences changed. Our focus needed to be on what really mattered, and those were the things we can’t see with our physical eyes! For example: The One that we pray to, that we trust with all of our needs, that we have put our faith in for our eternal destiny… we cannot see Him! The work that we are asking Him to do in the lives of our loved ones… we cannot see it! The spiritual battles that people are facing every single day… we cannot see them. How God is working all things for His glory and our good… we cannot see it. But we must believe it, we must trust His promise with every ounce of our being, and when we do; He teaches us that in clinging to Him, we find the peace that passes all understanding.

The fact is that over the past 40+ years, my dependence upon the unseen God has not decreased; it has increased! Am I going backward in my life? Am I a failure in this world because I am not independent of my need for God in my sixties? This is a fair question, don’t you think? According to conventional or cultural wisdom, we should have created security for ourselves by this time, right? If we have lived wisely, haven’t we reached that point? Shouldn’t we be coasting, living free of financial stress, free of the burden of caring for others, and free to focus on self? Isn’t that the philosophy of our world? You know… we should have prepared for retirement, for travel, for relaxing day in and day out, and doing all of the things that we want to do!

I’ve asked these questions a lot recently. I’ve asked them because I am just as dependent upon the provision of my Heavenly Father today as I was in my early adulthood. Not only am I dependent upon Him, I have little desire to focus on me – there are too many people that I want to spend my life investing in – continuing on the theme of the life I’ve lived up until now! Have I lived carelessly, selfishly, lavishly? No. Not at all. And due to circumstances that I’ve not chosen and beyond my control, I am living on what a friend calls a ‘short leash’. That short leash requires that I constantly “wrestle” with God as Jacob describes it, and that I cling to the Almighty Hand of my Heavenly Father.

When Jesus was asked to teach us to pray, what did that prayer sound like? Worship of Who God is, followed by submission to His will… back to that verse that says He is working all things for His glory and our good. And then… the prayer says this: “Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” This sounds to me like we are supposed to be looking to Him to provide our daily needs while being generous to others!

I read in God’s Word what He wants from His children, and He wants us to depend upon Him. He wants us to cast our burdens upon Him. He wants us to bow humbly before Him and bring our needs to Him. He wants us to cling to Him – and that’s what living on a short leash requires of us!

Am I saying that we as believers are supposed to be sitting idly in our homes, refusing to work, refusing to do our best, refusing to contribute to society, and refusing to invest in others? Absolutely not! I’m saying the opposite! We are supposed to work diligently, to serve diligently, to invest in others, to do what we are capable of doing, to contribute to the world around us. And when we do that, He promises to provide for our needs, to take care of us, to never leave us comfortless or hungry (He does not leave His children begging bread).

How do I reconcile those promises with the fact that often we do find ourselves not only living paycheck to paycheck, but sometimes really struggling to make it? Obviously, I don’t have all of the answers. I do know that we are affected by the choices of others, and sometimes we suffer because of the disobedience of others. “But Joy, how do you reconcile that with God’s promises to provide for you, when there are real struggles because of others?” Well, the truth is that I am often anxious about how I’ll pay the next bill, how I’ll get the next week’s groceries, if the power or phone will be turned off… If I’ll be able to maintain the spot where much of the “serving others” outside of my family is done. And when I find myself anxious, guess what I do?!

I literally lay down before my Father and I tell Him how anxious I am. I tell him what bills are coming up and how I cannot see where the money is coming from. I sometimes even tell Him that I would love to be like others and give to and buy gifts for others regularly. And I tell Him that I’m going to trust Him to provide. (That dependence upon Him keeps me clinging so very closely to His side!) Sometimes I even laughingly tell Him that I would love for Him to trust me with lots and lots of finances so that I could prove to Him that I would serve Him and others more faithfully than I can now. And when I hear myself talking to Him like that, I end up laughing… often out loud, because you know what? I’m in this place right now where I stand in awe of Who God is. I stand in awe of His greatness, His holiness, His power, and His love for me. And at the same time, I talk to Him like I would talk to my human daddy when he was here – openly, honestly, without fear and without shame. Know what that is? That’s clinging to Him. And that’s where we ought to be!

When I struggle to make it, I thank Him that I do have a home and have so much to be grateful for. I also thank Him that right now, I have a place to love and serve my family and a place to love and serve others. He has allowed me that, and I recognize it and thank Him! I unashamedly ask Him to allow me to keep and maintain these blessings. As He provides for my needs every single day, and sometimes beyond, I want to continue to cling to Him, praise Him, and seek His will in what I do with what He has provided. I want to walk so closely with Him (clinging to His hand) that my desires line up with His, my joy comes from walking with Him and loving others, and His glory is seen in my life.

Yes, the past several years have been extremely challenging for me in the day by day – but I’m learning more and more how to cling, how to never let go, how to fall on my face when I’m overwhelmed and how to recognize when He steps in and offers His provision – and I’m filled with gratitude that Almighty God, Creator God, All-Knowing God… loves me and invites me to cling to Him this way!

As always, thank you for reading! I hate that this donation form is so large, but it will not allow me to make it smaller. The purpose of my writing is to share and challenge, and the form is secondary – for those who have asked and desire a way to support the ministries.