ForgottenWoman

Quality, Perfection, Performance or Worship?

Let’s talk about quality, perfectionism, legalism, exhaustion and purpose in reference to ministry and more specifically worship.

While I am not the perfectionist in my family (between myself and my siblings) I do love quality. If I’m honest, I have to admit that there were many years of being involved in music ministry that the lines between quality and perfection became blurred.

To be really honest, I do believe that God’s Word teaches that His children should always be ready and willing to make a joyful noise – but if my joyful noise is hard on others, I shouldn’t be doing it with a microphone in hand or at a keyboard. If the quality is very poor, it is a distraction and sometimes impossible for the church body to participate.

The other side of that though, is the pressure to stand a certain way, to sit with a specific posture, to have a frozen expression and to practice your music until you no longer have a clue what the message of the song is – but you do know by rote memory what comes next. This is when music prepared for worship is no longer about the God we worship but about the one worshiping – or more accurately, the one performing!

I minored in music in college, and as a young woman at the time, I realized almost immediately what the difference was between the classical work that I was required to do and the music designed for believers to use in church services and worship. While the professors weren’t teaching them differently, my heart felt them differently. With classical music, I played measure by measure, following the composer’s notation on paper. With the “church” music, I wanted to play what I felt and thought, based on the lyrics of the songs. In my younger years, I thought I was wrong – that everyone else knew more… you know; they were the professionals.

The result was that in those early years, anytime I sang or played I was filled with fear. My singing and playing needed to be done perfectly. The joy of the music was lost in the pressure to perform it well.

Yes, I can tell you almost to the day when that changed for me. With the circumstances of my early adult life (the year I was 23) everything changed for me. My perspective on daily life and the details became full focused on the God that I worshiped, what He had done and was doing in my life and my music became the ‘minister’ to my heart. Hours of playing and singing while alone in my home with tears streaming down my face were not about the notes but about Who our God is, how much He loves us and the hope we have in His promises! To this day, it is to the piano I go when my heart is overwhelmed within me.

Another reality is that in churches where quality is emphasized to the point of perfection, the musicians tend to spend their Sundays in exhaustion rather than a day of worship and rest. I look back over my life in that world and realize that many Sundays I was at the church by 8 for special music and choir rehearsals, then to Sunday School and church; home long enough to have lunch and clean up the kitchen, and then rush back for the afternoon rehearsals before the evening services. This was all after preparing a house full of children for church and ensuring the lunch was prepared and ready when we arrived home. By the time Monday came around, the entire family was exhausted instead of refreshed for the new week. Why? All because if we were involved in the music, this was what was required in order for the “performance” to be up to the standard. This is not worship. This is not about our great God and Who He is!

It was when I was asked to go to Chicago and speak to several women’s groups and then present music and testimony in the Sunday church service that I realized how much my perspective on “doing music” in a church setting had changed. For the first time that I could remember, I wasn’t nervous. I wasn’t sick on my stomach with fear of failure. I couldn’t wait to sing and play the songs about our great God and share how He was working in the lives of myself and my sons. It was at the end of that Sunday service that I got on my knees and sought forgiveness for the years that it had been about me and thanked Him for showing me what it feels like when it is truly all about Him!

For clarity – yes. I do believe in quality. I do believe that we all have different gifts and when using them within the church body, we should acknowledge what God has gifted us with and for and what He hasn’t! I do believe that when given the opportunity, I should do my best to prepare and play and sing in such a way that I’m not distracting from the message and worship. But, the bottom line is that when we are truly doing all to the glory of God – well, it is about Him!

So, this past Sunday, my son was leading the music in our church, and I was playing and singing along with him. We were doing one song that we love, but don’t have the accompaniment printed for. It was my job to create the accompaniment chords and remember them. This does make me nervous because I don’t want to be a distraction. After the service, I was having lunch with my son and his family, and I said, “Well, I think I only hit one wrong chord!” and laughed. My 14-year-old grandson said without a smile but with a very straight face, “Yeah, Grandmommy, I heard that one!” He then laughed and said, “Well, to be fair, I didn’t hear it, but I saw it on your face!” Another son said later, “Yeah, there always has to be that one mistake! You usually make it when playing the introduction right before I’m supposed to start singing and you shrug and grin, and Joey and I look at each other knowingly!”

The point? Years ago, those mistakes would leave me feeling like a complete failure. In the circles I was in, it may even get me a scolding for not being better prepared to “perform” or get me benched for a while from serving in that way. Now, I can laugh at myself, own my imperfections, be thankful that people are allowing me to participate at all and hope and pray that when we are involved the music part of the service is truly about getting our focus on the goodness of our God and worshiping Him for all that He is!

I hope you’ve enjoyed my little story, and if you have responsibilities in your church with the music, by all means do your best and let Him use you to truly lead others to worship at His feet!