ForgottenWoman

Or Maybe It’s Mayballine

Does anyone remember this commercial jingle? It has been running through my head this morning as I’ve considered some things that my study of Mary and Martha from Scripture this week brought to mind. If you’ve spent any time looking at these women and how they interacted with Jesus and those around them, you have seen their differences – and most of us who have sisters or even sisters in Christ understand our tendency to compare and contrast ourselves.

It’s been several years ago, but I went through Bible studies with other women based on these two characters. The theme was always, “Be a Mary!” It felt a bit like all of the “Martha” personalities in the room began to feel shame over their love for ‘doing’ what needed to be done. Shame for always being busy working to make sure everyone else was fed, taken care of, and all was cleaned up after an event or family gathering. You know them; the Bible studies where everyone claims to be the more spiritual Mary.

In a group study I participated in this past week, this subject line came up for just a short minute when our facilitator did a beautiful thing and redirected our thoughts to exactly what Scripture says and where we needed to focus. But, you know me! I brought home a headful of thoughts, and am determined to sort through them while looking at the whole of Scripture.

So, hang on. In this process, I may ramble – but I’m fairly certain you can join me on the trails. Ladies, I hope you are encouraged by what you read. Men who are reading this: I hope you come away thankful for the women in your lives – and yes, there’s an important truth in this for you as well. (That if you have a godly wife who is seeking to honor the Lord, you are blessed; regardless of her Mary or Martha tendencies)

Y’all know that the Bible teaches that God knew each of us as He was forming us in our mother’s womb, right? He is the Master Designer of our personalities, our quirks, our likes, our dislikes, the way we think, the way we process things… all of it. Now, our sinful nature and what we do with it determine much about our lives after birth. But let’s go back to the sister comparison thing. I have a sister. When people see us, they know we are sisters, and they may even assume that we are very much alike. But, in many ways, we simply aren’t.

I’ll just give you a few examples. My sister plans months and sometimes years in advance, for everything – down to what she’s going to eat. Me? Call me tonight and ask me to go do something with you tomorrow, and I’m gonna jump to it. My sister is a very scheduled, organized mother. (even when her children were little) I’m what you call ‘flex to the max’, and two days rarely look the same. My sister loves to sew… I find it extremely boring. You get the picture. As is usually the case, people have always compared us, and I spent many years believing that I should be more like her – not understanding that we were each unique because God made us this way! I know today that my life would never have worked if I were like her. These differences carry over into situations like we find Mary and Martha in when Jesus came to visit, and Martha was busy preparing the meal, and Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet. As I write this, I have memories of Thanksgiving Day growing up – when all of the males of the house were in the den watching football and Mom and my sister were busy in the kitchen. I was expected to be in the kitchen as well, and was very uncomfortable and uncertain of why – and yes, I did have to be called back in repeatedly because I would venture into the room where the football and fellowship were taking place. I’m pretty sure if Jesus had been physically in the home, Mom and Faith would have said to Him, “Jesus, could you please make Joy get in here and help us with all of this work?” And Jesus would have said… Yeah, that’s where the comparison breaks down. 🙂 But, you get the point.

When I stop and think about most women who are mothers, the fact is that we tend to become like Martha in many ways; even if we weren’t born with that personality type. We become concerned with the needs of those in our families and very often we just do whatever is necessary to make sure things get done. It isn’t always true, but often Mom is the one who is concerned about the details of life – is there food, enough of it, are there clean clothes available for everyone, are the dishes washed and taken care of, is someone sick, are the people who are guests in the house comfortable, etc. Because of those concerns and more, we as women/mothers may appear to be “Martha” types. Let’s consider areas outside of the home. In church settings, those ladies that handle all of the fellowship dinners, the decorating, the food, the set up and tear down of events – often are accused of being “Martha”. Why did I use the word accuse? Because in these Bible studies where the comparison of Mary and Martha take place, it’s the Marthas that are made to feel that they’ve been doing it all wrong.

However, I’m challenging us to look deeply at what Jesus was saying when he gently scolded Martha. I’ll give you a hint. I don’t believe she was wrong for making sure there was a meal for the guests of the house. I don’t believe it was her work ethic that was a bad thing. (Because Jesus didn’t say that).

Let’s look at several times we see these two mentioned in Scripture.

John 12: 1-8 Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said,  “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?”  He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it.  Jesus said,  “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial.  For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.”

Luke 10: 38-42 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching.  But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,  but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

John 11: 1 – 25 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha.  It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill.  So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.”  But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.  Then after this he said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.”  The disciples said to him, “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?”  Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world.  But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.”  After saying these things, he said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.”  The disciples said to him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.”  Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep.  Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died,  and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”  So Thomas, called the Twin,  said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.

 Now, when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off,  and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother.  So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house.  Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.  But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”  Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.”  Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.” I read this and once again, Martha is running ahead, trying to fix the situation or trying to get Jesus to… And Mary stayed behind.

I could go on and on with examples of these two women – contrasting their lives and pointing out strengths and weaknesses. But my point is this. We are each born with tendencies, personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. When Jesus spoke to Martha and told her that Mary had chosen the better thing, He was reminding all of us that sitting at His feet, worshiping Him, is more important than our running around and working to make things “just right!”

Most of us as women need to be reminded of this whether we have Martha tendencies or Mary’s. I am Mary in my heart of hearts and I would rather sit and talk to anyone than be alone working. 🙂 That’s what I was born with. Does that mean that I don’t work hard to make things just right when I’m hosting people at my home? Just ask my family. They’ll tell you that they are the ones that have to keep reminding me that we are going to love being together regardless of what food we have or if everything is in place and orderly or not.

I believe that life conditioned me to work feverishly in those situations – pressure from outside that I succumbed to, as well as a desire for things to be good for those around me. Young wives, mothers are too often exposed to teaching and lists of what it looks like to be that Proverbs 31 woman – who is the perfect host, the perfect wife, the perfect mother – and guess what is left out of those teaching sessions! Sitting at the feet of Jesus.

What have I learned over the years? I’ve learned that my spirit when I host is much more important than all of the exterior things. And my spirit is only right when I’ve spent the time sitting at the feet of Jesus. Instead of jumping out of bed and hitting the floor running, I’d better pause long enough to humble myself before my Father and get my spirit focused on what truly matters. Do I want those entering my home to be comfortable? To feel that they can safely sit on a clean couch, eat food that has been prepared in a clean kitchen, visit the restroom, and not be assaulted by whatever the last child left? Yes, I do – but I can do that without being so busy in the preparations and keeping it all just right that I miss out on the quietly worshiping and yes, even enjoying the people once they enter my home!

I don’t think any of us were born with the perfect balance. But I do believe we can develop a more Christlike approach to being the heart of the home (which is what we as women are). For me, it’s been learning when to work and when to sit – I’ll give you a hint. Work ahead of time. Clean ahead of time. Cook ahead of time. And while you do it – have that worship music playing, have Scripture playing, talk to Jesus, prepare your heart for when your people are in the home with you – and then sit and fellowship. And don’t jump up and start cleaning while your home is still full of the people. Those dishes can be washed when the people God has given you to love on have left the room or gone home. Those floors can be swept and vaccuumed when you are alone, even the trash can be gathered and removed after you’ve invested your time and energy into people. To me, these are the lessons of the Mary and Martha comparisons. And yes, put that music back on and thank the Lord that you have people to love while you clean up after them!

Yes, we are born with tendencies, and whether I am a natural Mary or Martha, as I draw near to God daily and grow more in Him, I’ll be able to sit at His feet and worship Him as well as take care of my people in a way that shows them His love through me. Both matter. (Now, I’m home alone this morning, so it’s time to get to work!)