ForgottenWoman

“But, LORD; what can I do?“

“Shut up and Listen!” A few days ago, I mentioned that this is my translation of the Scripture that says, “Be still and know that I am God!”

Chances are that regardless of where you are located, you’ve heard about the devastation of Hurricane Helene in Western North Carolina and surrounding states. My focus is obviously on Western NC because that is where I am and where I am the most familiar with what has happened and is currently taking place.

It has been a bit over a week since the actual storm came through – and to be honest; most of us have gone through the shock stage… are in the survival stage and even if we have had our power and water restored; that survival mode is going to last a while. I am currently sitting inside of Tranquility (my ministry hub in Brevard) and offering free homemade soup, coffee, water, and shampoos to any who comes by. It feels so small but feels like something I CAN do – so here I am. The most memorable couple that has come in so far was a husband and wife. She has been battling cancer for several years, fell and broke her leg a couple of weeks before the storm and they’ve been without power or water since the storm hit. He brought her in for a shampoo, fellowship, and coffee. We talked him into letting me wash his hair as well – which he ended up really appreciating. These things are so hard to accept sometimes but they both left so grateful and I felt like I had done so little! I shed a few tears as they left because I wanted to be a blessing and they expressed so much gratitude that it felt like maybe my small contribution does mean something. Another couple that came in was so hungry for the soup. They had several bowls and cups of coffee. He asked me to help him find someone to help him get the medication he needs and I promised that I would try to find help and they’re coming back in a couple of days. They were hungry for the comfort food and for someone to hear them. I realized that my “gift” will always be serving one individual at a time and then asking God to take my efforts and make them more! I heard one young man say to his wife as they were leaving, “Maybe we should look into this Bible thing.” I found myself constantly breathing a quiet prayer, “Lord lead me to the next person that I can be a blessing to.” Through messaging I discovered that a dear lady is sick and alone and would really appreciate some warm soup. That was easy enough. I ran home, got a thermos and delivered it to her home where I found her discouraged, lonely, a little angry but ultimately grateful. It was while leaving her driveway that I received a message from someone out of town asking me to check on a family member and their need for oxygen. I ran to my son’s office at Emergency Management and asked his advice on how to help this family and while driving I simply thanked the Lord for not letting these individuals fall through the cracks today.

Anyway, here I sit now in the quiet, waiting for the next people to come in and I thought I’d try to write these overwhelming thoughts that have consumed me all week.

There are a few things that I know to be true that I hope to share: both to inform and to give those not in the middle of it some perspective that cannot be gained unless lived.

I don’t know anything concrete about FEMA or if any part of this weather event was manmade/engineered, etc. I won’t even delve into all of that (conspiracy theories or truth?) – except to tell you what I DO know. I DO know that our local Emergency Management has worked tirelessly for us and they’ve accomplished what no one thought would be possible in less than a month at our best hopes! I know firsthand a bit about this because my own son works in Emergency Management and two days ago when I made it to his office (to give him a hug) he had already logged 300 hours in the past two weeks- had not been to his home since before this storm – and had removed his own family from their home for their protection. During the worst of the storm, he knew that a mudslide was headed for his home and family; had no way to warn them, no way to get to them… didn’t know for many hours if they were ok or not!! His home was without power and water and as of yesterday, he hadn’t been able to get there to assess the damage – but continued his work for the citizens of this county and beyond. When I made it there to see his face, hug him, and make sure he was ok; I have to tell you, I’ve never seen him like this. All around him were law enforcement, the leadership of Emergency Management and so many men and women working to get some sort of communication going – dealing with no cell service, no internet, no power, water issues throughout the state, missing and damaged roadways throughout the county, most of the residents of the county without power or cell service… and that’s before you take into consideration the loss of life, the normal, every day physical emergency situations, those swept away in swift water and vehicle wrecks and fires caused by the effects of the storm.

When I learned that my son was able to go to his home for a few hours last night to get some sleep – you better believe I wept. You better also believe I cringe every time I see someone complain about spotty cell service, continued lack of power, and no one doing anything. Whether the federal government is or is not doing what it should – our county emergency management has been phenomenal. They and their families sacrifice beyond what most are aware of for them to be the boots on the ground in these situations. Yes, this part is personal and I’m keeping much to myself because of that – but trust me when I tell you that you and I have no idea!

Next – I want to talk about this thing called survivor’s guilt. It’s real. I’m not sure when I first experienced it – but I can remember a few times that I struggled and wasn’t sure what to call it. One time was when I was in the NICU with my very premature and very sick infant. When he first entered the NICU we were told that he was truly the sickest baby they had – and he literally had about a 5% chance of survival. During our time there; we became acquainted with other parents and 6 of those babies around him passed away. Sitting there beside my tiny baby in his little box, hearing the alarms sound off constantly was traumatic. Watching the weeping parents beside us say goodbye to their baby who didn’t make it – well; that was a different type of trauma. Do I hug them? Do I tell them how sorry I am while I am desperately praying for my own baby to survive? Why did theirs pass away and mine not? How am I supposed to feel? Can you feel both grief and joy at the same time? That’s survivor’s guilt.
I even experienced this with the death of my husband – initially. Why him? I should have been with him! I should have been holding him when he took his last breath – but I was hours away. He wouldn’t have been in that truck doing what he was doing had I been home! and on and on. Personal grief and sorrow consume us in those moments but we aren’t exempt from seeing the grief and pain of those around us. Parents and siblings and friends who loved him as well… How to express my sympathy for them while overwhelmed with my own sorrow? That’s a different kind of survivor’s guilt – but it is present in situations like this storm too. Everybody that I know who lives in my community has been affected by this storm. Expressing my lack of comfort, my loss, and my grief seems unnecessary. It’s not only that I’m not the only one struggling: absolutely everyone around me is struggling! Whew. And the moment I start to think about the hardships this brings into my life, I am reminded that thousands lost everything! How DARE I feel anything negative about my situation? And don’t get me started thinking about those who lost family members. Can I continue to whisper gratitude that my family was spared while weeping over those who lost so much and so many? Survivor’s guilt – it’s real. But we can navigate this. One moment, one hour, one day, one week and yes; one year at a time.

And then; we’re going to talk about more. Hang with me.

During this first week post-storm, many have been boots on the ground literally. This has not been your normal emergency situation… the magnitude of the devastation is not fully recognized yet – and we know that it isn’t being reported for what it really is. Let me briefly explain. I have never in my life seen such destruction as I see right here in my county. The number of power lines and trees down – far exceeds what we lived through in Charlotte with Hurricane Hugo. I’ve also never seen roads and bridges washed away; mudslides like these, and flooding that covers highways, homes and businesses like I’ve seen here. The sounds of the storm while it was happening… terrifying! But that’s just my county. The stories you are hearing about entire homes floating away are true. I can only imagine the actual number of deaths. The stories of hundreds of missing people are true. And the stories of towns being completely gone: true! I won’t go into any more detail here.

National organizations that are set up for “Relief” for emergency situations have been challenged in ways they’ve never been challenged before. Money and supplies have poured in from large and small donors alike and the response of these large companies and individuals is greatly appreciated. What everyone in WNC cannot stop talking about is how the churches and local businesses have stepped in, how individuals who have helicopters and planes and yes, mules, have worked around the clock to get the supplies (donated by so many) into the areas that are impossible to reach in all of the normal ways!

We are all trying to comprehend the enormity of all of this. The devastation all around us. One night this week one of my sons stopped by to check on me. As we sat in the dark I held a flashlight and he asked how I was doing. I expressed my desire to help in some way and the helpless feeling of not knowing what to do! I just want to fix this for everyone who is hurting. I can’t fly a helicopter, I can’t use a regular-sized chainsaw, I can’t repair damaged homes, I can’t do swift water rescue, and I can’t pay for supplies for anyone. He very kindly looked at me and said, “Mom, we each have to take care of our own – we have to do what we can do and understand that if each one is doing what we are supposed to do; that’s all we can do!” It was the next night that I had my “Shut up and listen” time with the Lord.

What was my “Shut up and listen” time? I just prayed and read my Bible by flashlight for hours. I lay quietly and stared up – not seeing the ceiling but knowing it was there. By the next morning, I had many thoughts that I felt cleared much of the swirling struggle within me. Now bear with me while I try to put what’s in my little head on paper.

God established the family. He says that the husband is to take care of his wife and children – his leadership in caring for his own is the priority. Imagine if all of the men who made these vows to his wife did so. Then within that core family, the individuals learn to take care of each other… as the family expands – there are more to take care of, but there are also more doing the care. When this is done; an entire group of people have their needs met.

Then we have the local church. The local church is made up of families who are each taking care of each other and then reaching out into the circle of the church family and taking care of one another there. This is where many of the individuals and families who do not have a husband/father who is taking care of them are cared for: the Bible speaks of the church taking care of the widows and fatherless. Here ya go!

Boy, have we seen this happening during this week! And we’ve also seen each church body working together with one another to get the supplies and help into the various communities of the mountains! This is what it is supposed to look like. And guess what? The families within the churches and the churches within the community reach out into a wider circle and take care of the larger community! As we do this – our communities not only survive but then we extend into the next community… and what happens is amazing!

It’s the people – beginning with the families that are handling the emergency. We are dependent upon one another and not sitting back and waiting on a federal government that may or may not help.

Now – back to my “Shut up and listen” hours. I found myself thinking about how the Bible also talks about the body of Christ being salt and light in this world. And how do we do that? By being the parts of the body – and we aren’t all the same part! Our gifts, our strengths, and our resources are all unique. Some have organization skills that are very needed. Some have heavy equipment and strength to do the manual work. Some have technical knowledge and abilities that others don’t have. Some have the finances to fund the efforts. Some have wisdom and compassion to give to the hurting.

While I was praying about how I could help, I thought… “Joy – what do you do normally? What are your gifts? What do you have the ability to do? THAT’s what you need to do! Take care of your family in practical ways – find a way to get the laundry done. Find a way to make the house pleasant. Tell your children and grandchildren that you love them. Tell your sons that you are grateful for their work and leadership. Let those who don’t want to be alone hang out at your dark house with your kids. Sit in the dark and laugh about the “inconveniences” of this time and don’t complain or demand or allow your anxious feelings to come out in your words and actions. Get to the friends that you can access and make sure they are ok. You CAN do that! Open your little shop and offer hot soup, coffee, water, shampoos, counseling, and hugs to all who want to stop in. You CAN do that! Be YOU and use what you have to be a blessing to others.” THAT is what we each can do.

And yes – there is one more area I want to touch on today. Y’all, the ripple effects of this “event” are going to continue long after people from other states return home. They are going to continue after the initial devastation has become something we’ve accepted as part of our lives. The loss, the grief of lost loved ones will linger. And to be quite frank and honest – the recovery will take years for families, many small businesses and ministries. I’m going to very boldly ask that you consider something with me.

Millions of dollars are sent to government agencies that may or may not be used to take care of those affected by this storm. Millions of dollars are sent to large agencies that do great work and yes; much of that has been and will be used in recovery efforts. The truth is that when the initial emergency has passed, it is the small businesses, the individual families, and yes, individuals who will continue to live in survival mode for years to come. While millions of dollars go to the mass efforts; the individual family can’t find the hundreds needed to buy groceries, pay rent, or mortgage. While millions are sent to national non-profits, the small non-profits that operate paycheck to paycheck each month will not survive due to a hit like this. A day or week out of work for families who were already living paycheck to paycheck may mean bankruptcy. For those who do survive, getting behind and playing catch-up will be a way of life for years to come.

I spoke with a woman today who just had a discussion with the owners of the company she works for. She was told that the employees would just have to suck it up for a while because they would be out of work for a bit… a million dollar company whose owners are living comfortably in another state have no idea what even a week out of work will mean for their employees. In another conversation, a man tearfully told me that he got a text from his landlord (who lives elsewhere) telling him that he knows we are going through a “difficult” time but to be sure that he found a way to send his rent for the month. The truth is that landlords have to pay their mortgages – so they need their renters to pay. But where will the money come from? The realities of the devastation all around are that normal work may not be a thing for a while. What am I saying here? I’m pointing us back to where I started… back to families, to churches, to communities. Please – if you have money to give: send it to your family members who are living through this. Taking care of family is a Biblical thing – let’s do that! When our families are taken care of, then we branch out and take care of those within the church and then the communities; etc. Yes, tell your family you love them and are praying for them and then put feet behind those words. It works! However; sending all of our financial support to giant organizations while neglecting to take care of our own leaves huge gaps. If you don’t have a family member that’s been affected but do have friends in the region; send it to them! What a difference is made when the family takes care of the family first! No – your family doesn’t have a tax ID to get you credit for your donation – but you just may save them from more devastation!

If you are shopping or eating in the area of this storm – frequent the locally owned businesses once they open their doors! Tip extra those who are serving you – most are not going to tell you that what they really need is cash to pay bills. If you believe in the work a small ministry is doing – support them financially so they can continue. If you think the “work” that small ministries are doing isn’t worthy of your financial support, I ask you to rethink that during and after this event. Often, it’s the small, local ministries that are meeting personal needs that the larger agencies can’t meet.

You’ve probably seen the little memes on social media about people who “don’t need it” benefitting from the supplies coming in. I don’t think anyone truly doesn’t need in this area right now. Everyone lost their refrigerated food. Everyone lost days of work. Many have used up every penny of emergency savings they had.

Let’s go back to the idea of doing what you CAN do. My 84-year-old mother “celebrated” her birthday alone on the day after the storm – not knowing if any of us were alive, had lost our homes, etc. We had no way to communicate with her and she sat and waited. When she was able to reach me and a few roads opened up, she got great joy out of driving her little red car as close as she could get to bring supplies for my family. My family smiled and cheered as I put chicken and ground beef in the fridge in town, crackers, peanut butter, and oh – the cookies!!! on the table for the grabbing! They were so happy with the cookies. She did something that she COULD do to help her family this past week. Again – take care of YOURS and yours will take care of theirs and that circle becomes quite the circle of meeting the needs of so many!

I know, I’ve said a lot here but I hope my little “Shut up and listen” time with the Lord has been worth sharing with you. My heart and mind are still overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions but I’m determined to battle through – hoping the LORD will allow me to learn and be a blessing to all He allows me to connect with through this blog and otherwise.

Tonight I hope to begin writing on the subject of practical ways to process trauma like this, how to heal layer upon layer so that our trauma doesn’t become a negative wound that we don’t recover from; but an experience that we grown in.

Thanks for reading!