Am I Being Too Transparent Here?
If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, then you are fully aware that I believe in transparency – honesty to the degree that we can actually understand one another and learn together. Well, today you may decide that I’m being a little too honest, but I’m not sure there is such a thing – unless, of course, in the process of being directly honest, we are hurting others. I don’t think that’s the case here. So, here goes!
First of all, I am hoping and praying that at some point today, my vision clears so that I can even edit any mistakes found here. See, when my RA flares and attacks my eyes – well, there is a problem. Last night and this morning, my vision is so blurry that I have this little stack of glasses, each with a different power – and I’m swapping back and forth as needed! It’s a little bit comical and a lot frustrating not to be sure what I’m typing!
So, full transparency here – I’ve been dealing with something for a couple of weeks now that has forced me to look deeply at my own heart as well as examine how others think. You see, twice in the past several weeks, I have had someone say to me something like this. “I ordered your book and I’m passing it around among my friends so that they can read it and not have to buy it!” “That’s what we do – we share!”
Ok. Some of you read that and you thought, “What a great idea, I do that too!” Others of you thought, “How in the world can an author make it if those close to them make sure no one has to buy their book?” For me, the author… well, I’m battling very real emotions, thoughts, realities… all of it. Here’s why.
I wrote my first book for several reasons. The first reason is that I believe with everything in me that we are supposed to proclaim the works of God, and we all have various ways of doing that. For me, I’ve been encouraged to write – especially about several experiences in my life. I want God to use His story in our lives to draw others to Himself – that is my ultimate goal! Another reason that I began writing and publishing is that I was also encouraged that when God gives us gifts or abilities, He uses those things to provide for our needs when it becomes our work (our means for income). In fact, I’ve been “chastised” for years for doing most of what I’ve done without pay – you know, volunteering. At this point in my life, I simply need to be compensated for the work that I do.
So, I spent months writing and publishing, telling the story of one of the most traumatic experiences of my family. It was exhausting and time-consuming, and quite honestly, exciting to finally accomplish that goal! I truly felt it was a work worthy of reading, as well as helping to provide for my personal needs at a time in my life when that is needed.
So – just as I was about to reach my first goal in sales (4 book sales away), I was expressing my excitement to family members who had asked, and someone said, “Oh! I’ve been passing my copy around – about 5 women have read it already, and we have a running list of where it is to go next. You know, so they don’t all have to buy it!” At that moment, there was a part of me that thought, “That’s really awesome that they want to read it!” But there was another part of me that thought, “Really? I just shared that I’m 4 book sales away from my first big goal, and you just told me that probably twice that number have read yours, so they don’t have to buy it!” Full transparency – the feeling was a little bit of betrayal, a little bit of shock, a lot of disappointment, and then… I had to laugh – not only at the irony but also at the reality.
The reality is that those who are sharing their book are doing so out of pure hearts that want others to read the message of the book! Remember the first reason that I wrote it? Yes, so that others will be encouraged in their faith, drawn to our Savior, and see His power in our lives! I have to remember that! They aren’t doing anything wrong – in fact, they are doing a great thing by sharing the book’s messages. The point is that my perspective differs from theirs. My daily needs are wrapped up in the success of my work. How can anyone else see it that way? They can’t! Otherwise, they wouldn’t have told me what they were doing.
So, my point of this horribly transparent blog post. You and I – well, we don’t always see things eye to eye. While there are many things in this world that can be categorized as right or wrong, there are also many things in this world that are not. When God says that it is a glory to overlook small offenses, this is a great example. My initial reaction to this whole thing was hurt, but I had to be willing to take a closer look and realize that no one was out to hurt me; in fact, they are helping spread the word of the book that I have written.
And that is s good thing. You know what else? God will honor my work. Success is in how He touches hearts and lives with the message, and He will continue to provide for my daily needs, some through the sale of the books I write, and some through other means. So, I’m going to obey Him – overlook the small offenses that will continue to happen here and there throughout life and trust Him to take my feeble efforts and do what He sees fit to do!
I hope my full transparency here encourages you in some way today. You may have big deals in your life that aren’t really big deals to anyone else. That’s ok – everything you do to the glory of God is a big deal to Him!
Click the link below if you are interested.
ForgottenWoman 
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