ForgottenWoman

Oh Cracker Barrel…

Once again, all around us, opinions, feelings, name-calling, assumptions, and all-out attacks are taking place. Just this morning, I popped open my phone to an article written in a newspaper about the changes made at Cracker Barrel, and the comments by supposed adults were more disturbing than anything I read in the article!

Yes, I do have my own personal feelings about the changes, and I’ll get to those, but what is distressing to me is the inability of adults to carry on a civil conversation. How did we get HERE? Just last night, I sat in my living room, surrounded by my adult children (yes, there are 9 of them), 5 spouses, and 6 grandchildren. We had gathered to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. As always happens, we ended up discussing, debating, agreeing, disagreeing, comparing memories, laughing until we cried, and at no point did anyone attack another. At no point did anyone feel the need to criticize another’s thoughts or opinions. The art of listening, considering, sharing, and respecting one another in communication was practiced. In the process, there may have been a sting of the truth that had to be acknowledged. There may have been regret for words or actions of the past that were felt. But there was much more joy and appreciation shared. As is necessary for adults to function, adults simply have to participate in the give and take, the taking of responsibility, and the handing out of praise where deserved!

The result of an evening spent authentically communicating like adults is growth, both individually and as a group, as well as increased closeness as a family.

What happens all too often when children “communicate” and disagree? The name-calling. The personal attacks. The blame-shifting. The assumptions of one another’s motives. Children are expected to communicate like children and hopefully with the guidance of the adults in their lives, they will learn to act like adults in these situations! But my concern is simple. The majority of adults aren’t functioning as adults when it comes to communication, reasoning, navigating relationships! If we don’t figure it out and basically grow up – we’re in trouble!

Which brings me back to the article that I read and the comments! The changes that Cracker Barrel is making have brought out the child in many. No, I don’t like the changes. I’ll share why in a minute, but for me to go on social media and attack those who like the changes does no one any good! Am I concerned that the changes are a part of the growing trend that has erased Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben, and others? Yes, I am to be honest. But I need to be able to express that with common sense and not personal attacks. Do I like the more generic signage? Not at all! Why? Because it’s boring. Because it removes what has made Cracker Barrel unique to those who have loved the restaurant all these years! No, I don’t even like the white walls. To be fair, I don’t like much that is modern as far as decorating – but that’s a personal preference. It has nothing to do with my education… contrary to some of the opinions and comments! I’m well educated – but I’m also sentimental and nostalgic. Things that remind me of my loved ones are precious to me, and I keep them, I display them, and I decorate my home with them. So, a restaurant that stirs that nostalgia is a fun place for me!

The changes being made to Cracker Barrel seem to undo what makes it Cracker Barrel, in my opinion. That does not mean that I’m racist. This is one of the most difficult comments for me to understand. I am a southern white woman who has lived long enough to remember when busing children into various communities for school to end segregation was a thing. I’ve lived long enough to have been friends with my grandparents’ “maid” and “gardener,” who were a black couple that my grandparents paid well to take care of their home. I’ve been paid to clean houses myself, and have many friends who have made this their career – the only thing that has changed is that they are no longer called maids. It is a respectable career!

The blight of the evils of slavery in reality covers many races and many civilizations, but today we’ve stopped discussing history and instead have endeavored to narrow it to white versus black; holding today’s population responsible for what was done in the past, while at the same time endeavoring to erase the unique cultures of the different races, along with the many lessons that could be learned from history! I say all of that to say that being a southern white woman who loves history, appreciates the good while acknowledging the bad from the past, doesn’t make me a racist!

The moment you and I decide to look at one another as individuals, “judge” one another by who we are and how we live our lives (judge as in determine our opinion of) listen more than we talk, consider what the other is saying, respect an opinion that may differ from ours and find ways to work together to improve what is truly wrong while holding on to what is good – well, basically; until you and I decide to act like adults; we are going to continue to witness our America floundering.

Guess what the children who are supposed to be learning how to be adults are learning from this ridiculous inability to communicate? They are learning to spew hate because they assume something about someone they don’t even know. They are learning to attack and even kill someone who dares to have a different opinion than they have. They are learning to stand on street corners and yell obscenities about leadership and to anyone who supports someone they don’t like. They are learning all of this from the very people who should be exemplifying what adulthood is supposed to be!

*If you disagree with me, that’s ok! Let’s talk about it like adults.