ForgottenWoman

Or…

My readers are aware that I write from a personal and transparent place often. This evening is no exception. My subject matter could be controversial but I hope instead, that it can just be thought-provoking.

We hear women say, “I’m a strong, independent, educated woman!” Or when someone is trying to make a point they may say, “Strong, independent, educated women think…” Or recently we heard, “Strong, educated, independent women vote for…” A popular discussion in today’s world compares the stay-at-home mom with the career woman and too often describes one as having more value than the other. Regardless of your choice in this area as a woman; most of us have faced either guilt or discouragement or a feeling of being de-valued when we hear the opinions of others on the subject.

Back to my personal and transparent writing. Categorizing women according to choices we make on purpose leaves much to be desired. I don’t particularly like the adjective of “strong” describing me; but yes, I’m strong. Life has forced me to find strength where it didn’t exist and function in ways and areas I didn’t feel equipped to function in. My weaknesses have forced me to find strength in my God; and He has enabled me to say, “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” I’m educated. I won’t elaborate on that one, but I’m a woman who has chosen homemaking and ministry as a lifestyle AND I’m educated. It was my choice to invest my heart, mind and time into my family for the past almost 40 years of my life and I have no regrets. However: I struggle like many others who are disrespected, disregarded and even pitied at times as nothing more than a mother.

Don’t worry. I’m not over here whining because my investments aren’t valued as much as the woman who deals in finances or the medical field or as a professional educator. Success in life means different things to different individuals and I made my choice long ago regarding what success for me should look like.

Here’s where I want to focus for a little bit – my mind began considering this a few weeks ago when I was with one of my sons and his family. There was a discussion taking place (Isn’t there always) and opinions were being shared about what a strong, educated, independent woman looks like. I just listened. And listened… until. My son looked at me and said to his family, “Mom is strong and educated but she is not independent.” Hmmm. I wondered what he meant by this – and of course; knowing myself quite well, I began thinking about my life: what has been required of me and what I have done for many years. I quietly sat back and waited for him to explain to us what he meant.

Here’s what he said. “Mom is capable. She is not independent!” Yep. He’s right! He went on to explain that while I’m capable of taking care of myself and others and while I have been required to do many things independently over the years… it is not who I am. My life is about my people – it isn’t independent of my people. I will do what is necessary but I have no desire to do it alone – independently! I’ll work hard and I’ll do it alone if I have to; but I’d much rather do it with someone I love beside me. I’ll go to a movie alone if I have to; but I’d much rather go with someone I love beside me. I’ll drive across the country alone to visit friends and family if I have to; but I’d much rather do so with someone I love in the vehicle with me. I’ll build a ministry or business alone if I have to; but I’d much rather do so with someone I love doing it with me. You get the picture.

Ladies, many if not most of us were created as nurturers. We find joy and satisfaction and even a feeling of success when we personally pour into the lives of others. We don’t need to set that part of ourselves aside to prove that we are strong, educated, independent women! We can be strong, educated, capable women. Want me to be even more controversial? Soon, I’ll be writing about that strength – because in this chaotic world of belief systems, you and I need to understand that our strength is not the same thing as the strength of a man. We are different! We are supposed to be different! We need the strength of men and the sooner we understand and get back to being okay with our differences, the better off we all will be!