ForgottenWoman

The Power of Words to Destroy

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!” Most of us have heard this and maybe even recited it to ourselves when some hurtful words have been thrown our way – to remind us not to let the words hurt us. The fact is; words do hurt us. The Bible tells us how powerful our words are. They matter.

With my words I can give value to another human or I can – in a second of time – make them feel unloved, unwanted and useless. Just this past weekend I was reminded in a five minute conversation how destructive hearing negativity can be. I had a short conversation with someone I don’t talk to often anymore and within a few short minutes he told me of three different things that were wrong in my “life” that I needed to fix. Every single word he spoke to me was negative. I felt my core tense up, felt myself needing to ‘explain’ or argue but then I simply tried to change the subject. As I returned to my day, however; the scene played out in my mind over and over and I realized how quickly those negative words affected me physically, emotionally and mentally. My take away? I cannot change how another person speaks to me – but I can certainly determine how I speak to others! I’m determined to weigh my words before I speak. I want to use my words to edify, to encourage, to support others. Intentionally.

That seems like a pretty simple life decision; right? And it is – and it becomes habitual when we determine to be intentional. There is another way in which words destroy; however, that I was also reminded of this past weekend. And this is worth our discussing here.

The world seems to thrive on bad news – just turn your television on and listen. Finding fault and making sure everyone hears about the mistakes or flaws of others is too often the daily ‘adventure’ of many. Why is it human nature to enjoy hearing of someone else’s failures or flaws? While it is certainly a part of our sinful nature; it should not be a part of me when that sinful nature is put to death! As a believer I can think about this lifestyle and see how wrong it is pretty clearly and yet; if I’m not careful, I can also be self righteously guilty of the same thing; unknowingly! What if I am told something horrific about another believer? What if what I am told is so disturbing that it makes me stop to question my responsibility to others, my responsibility before the Lord and how I interact with the person I am receiving “information” on? Someone’s words can within seconds turn our world upside down, change our perspective on another person, lead us to make decisions that we would not otherwise make and more – all because someone said something.

The truth is that we can err on two sides of situations like this – and that is where as a believer I must go to God’s Word, I must go to Him in prayer and I MUST seek wisdom in my responses/reactions. The words of our fellow humans may lead us astray but God’s Word will never return void or lead us to sin.

The two wrong responses: *Ignore and assume the speaker is lying – allowing the true victims of the wrong to be hurt yet again. *Assume the speaker is telling the truth and allow my opinion of the victim of the words to be altered. Both of these wrong responses make assumptions.

I could give a number of examples for us to consider but I think I’ll try to make the point simply. One point is that a life, family, community and ministry can be utterly destroyed by the words of someone seeking to hurt others. And don’t be mistaken: there are people who will use their words to hurt others – either because they believe it makes them look better in a situation, excuses their behavior, or they are seeking revenge for something they experienced. Another point is that assuming the information is false can also destroy lives – particularly those who have already been victimized. The question here for our consideration is what is a Christian to do when we are on the ‘hearing’ side of the information?

Well, what if the information being spread is about me personally? Having faced this myself, I can emphatically tell you that the knee jerk reaction is to try desperately to give my “side” of the story. Being lied about (especially to those close to you) is painful at the least and debilitating at the worst. What happens though, when we try to vendicate ourselves or express what the truth really is? It becomes my word against the one spreading lies – and it places everyone who matters right smack dab in the middle. If asked, I believe it is absolutely right to very simply and succinctly state the truth and then leave the rest with the Lord. In His Word He says that vengeance is His: “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. He says that He will bring the truth to light: “But the one who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds will be revealed as having been performed in God.” He says that when I focus on trusting Him and loving and serving others, what others think matters much less than what the truth is – and it will eventually be revealed: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on. your own understanding; in all your ways submit to. Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

So, giving my need for fairness and for the truth to be revealed into the hands of Almighty God Who is able and Who will handle it all in His time is hard – but trusting Him with not only my life but my reputation is the only answer!

What if the information being spread is about someone else? The first response must be prayer – asking God for wisdom. He says that when we seek Him, we will find Him. He says that when we ask for wisdom, He will give it! If the information is big – as in accusations of abuse, moral wrongs, abuse of power, etc. I personally believe that after prayer, taking the accusations to the one accused is the next thing we must do. Every man or woman deserves the chance to respond to accusations – not only in the eyes of the law (innocent until proven guilty) but I believe Scripture teaches private one on one conversations allowing for someone to defend themselves against false accusations or for repentance if the accusations are true. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.“

Once these things have been done, we should have a pretty clear understanding of if the words we have been exposed to were meant to destroy someone else’s life or if they were accurate words that need to be considered in our decisions moving forward. God’s Word is also clear in how we are to handle the true offenses of others – but that is for another time and discussion.

For today, let’s remember the power of our words – whether they are being used to enhance or hurt the lives of others. What a difference you and I can make if we determine that our words will be intentionallly used to edify, to encourage, to inspire and to give value to the lives of others!

And what a difference we can make when we choose to respond to what we hear in a way that encourages other believers instead of add to their hurt. And yes, we can make a difference in the lives of others if we respond God’s way to words that are accusatory and true – God will always use our obedience to His way of handling all of these situations! I so long to put my old flesh and it’s responses to death and choose God’s way always. Little by little… I’m learning.