ForgottenWoman

A look at a difficult subject

On the 36th anniversary of my first husband’s death and while walking through a different kind of grief (separation after 30+ years of marriage) currently; my heart and mind are processing much. My brother in law is trudging through the raw grief of his wife’s death this week and well, the subject is pretty real.

Part of what I share tonight are not my words, but the words of a friend, Francie Taylor. Her words will be in quotes and the others; well, they are mine.

Until we have our own experience with the passing of a loved one, or the breakup of a marriage, we’re viewing grief as spectators on the sidelines. We know that there is pain and sorrow, but we’re unaware of the depth. We may even compare the two kinds of grief – and I beg you not to do that! Until you live it – you cannot fathom which is worse (both are devestating in their own way)

And then it’s our turn, and we realize that grief is raw.

If you are newly grieving or supporting someone who is; here are some suggestions from a couple of women who live with this dark thread in their fabric: FT and JTS

“Grief has waves. If you are laughing one minute and wailing uncontrollably the next, you are normal.” FT

Lying prostrate on the floor and beating it with your fists may happen – repeatedly. Grief is not meant to be felt and not released. Just be sure you’re alone as not to frighten anyone!

“Life will not stop to allow you to grieve, so you may need to order your own stop. Cancel some things.” FT

Let go of false guilt that tells you that you must carry on as usual. You simply cannot.

Sleep may be disturbed, especially if your spouse passed away or walked away. Being alone after sharing life is shocking to any system. Don’t resist the urge to fall asleep in a chair or curl up on the couch.

“People love you, but they can’t feel what you’re feeling. Don’t expect empathy, but accept sympathy.” FT

Many people who love you may never acknowledge your pain – it’s ok. It’s impossible for them to feel or understand when the injury is yours!

“If you have young children and they are missing a parent, slow their lives down. They are grieving, too.” FT

If you have children at all who are affected by either death or the grief of a separation of marriage – acknowledge their grief and support one another when possible.

“Reading your Bible may be harder. Use an audio Bible and play it everywhere, even at bedtime.” FT

Reading anything is hard – grief has a way of overtaking the mind and often the ability to think is just gone.

In the case of grief after death; “Other people who loved your loved one are grieving, too. It’s different than your grief, but it is real.” FT

Much of this is directed toward grief over those we are united to through marriage – but I don’t discount the grief of losing a parent, child, grandparent or close friend. It is very real in every case. May we extend grace to one another because it is something that no one gets to skip out on!

“Grief is one of the hardest human experiences that we must face, but gratefully, we don’t have to face grief without God. We can’t always tell how much He cares, but He does.” FT

My life has changed, but it is not over. God will comfort in this affliction, and the raw, rough edges of grief will soften later even while the pain lingers.

“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” (John 14:18)